Lady Moppet’s FAQ
Who are you and why do you call yourself Lady Moppet of Yorkshire?
A historian and time traveller, I divide my time between the present day and the court of King John. I am his official mistress and mother to his two-year-old son, Oscar Fitzroy. Lady Moppet of Yorkshire started off as a cover, but since then John has granted me lands in Yorkshire, so I guess it’s my real name now.
How did you come to be at the court of King John in the first place?
Read more about that here. Or, if you want to catch up quickly, check out the list of characters. (But be warned, here be major spoilers.)
Why would you want to be King John’s mistress? Wasn’t he the wickedest king of all time?
Depends on where you’re standing. He’s been very generous to me and to Oscar, and he can be awfully sweet when he thinks no-one’s looking.
So are you one of the court whores?
I am not. They get wages. I don’t. I do get some nice gifts, though. Estates in Yorkshire, ermine collars, that sort of thing.
What do you look like?
I have been told I resemble a young Katherine Hepburn, but I’m petite with auburn hair.
Will you and King John have more children?
He wants up to fifteen more. I’m thinking about it.
Assuming you’re Church of England how are you dealing with all of that popery?
I am Church of England, but relatively high church. So the popery doesn’t bother me too much. I also know a certain amount of Latin, so I can follow the service. The big thing is communion. I really shouldn’t take it, not being Catholic, but on the other hand, my church doesn’t exist yet, so it’s not like I have many options. Fortunately the minimum obligation is taking communion once a year at Easter, and I’ve stuck to that so far.
You’re using contraception, so what do you say to the priest during confession? Inquiring minds want to know…..
I have admitted to taking steps to prevent conception, but he thinks I’m using herbs I got from the local wise woman or something like that.
What’s life like in the thirteenth century?
Pretty damn cold. Of course we have roaring fires, but most of the heat goes up the chimney. I’ve bought all of this slinky lingerie and John is constantly on at me to wear it -
What colour is the lingerie? And what is your favourite colour?
None of that tacky red stuff for me. I might buy something in black and amber, or slate blue and beige. My favourite colour is blue, and my favourite place to buy lingerie is Rigby and Peller. But when King John’s not around I sleep in thermal underwear, socks and a towelling dressing-gown.
There must be more glamorous moments?
Well, we recently went on a state visit to France, but I got a bit tipsy and made rather a fool of myself. We have banquets and dancing and processions and things.
What’s your favourite food, from the present day and from King John’s court?
From the present day? Profiteroles. At court they love lampreys, which are an eel-like fish, but I stay away from them because they have been known to cause amoebic dysentery. But I have tried other things. Last Christmas we had a roast peacock, which was served covered with gold leaf and breathing fire. It was quite tasty – a bit gamey, but at least there wasn’t any shot.
Do you ever travel to other time periods?
I’ve got to stick with periods I know something about or I might trip up, but yes, I am contemplating visits to other times. I’m not going to investigate the Princes in the Tower though, before you ask.
What about the Princes in the Tower? Could you find out who killed them? Could you rescue them?
No and no. Sorry!
I’m cross now.
Well, sorry. But you see that if I landed up in the 1480s not knowing which way was up, mistaking Jane Shore for Elizabeth Woodville and Henry Tudor for Richard III, I could get myself into difficulties.
But that’s half the fun!
Not for me it’s not.
Where can I read more about your crazy life?
I will be posting here from time to time. I may have more stories to tell. We shall see.
What’s the secret of time travel?
I could tell you, but King John’s mercenaries would have to kill you.
***
Read the results of my Mary Sue Litmus Test here
Read the King John and Lady Moppet Interview here
We absolutely positively do not want you mistaking Jane Shore for Elizabeth Woodville. Don’t be whistling up any storms either :0
I was going to try whistling up a storm, but Brother Walter said not to bother – the Devil sends a storm along whenever things get boring.
Oh thank goodness! I can’t take anymore storm whistling.
“Henry Tudor for Richard III” – Blackadder, anyone?
Seriously, did that happen on Blackadder? On the first season? I’ve never seen it because everyone said it wasn’t as good as the later seasons, must rent it now!
Something similiar happens in the very first episode. Prince Edmund, son of Prince Richard (one of the Princes in the Tower), who is not dead, accidentaly kills Richard III when he tries to take Edmund’s horse in the Battle of Bosworth. Later, Edmund gets chased into a foggy swamp where three witches prophesy he wil be king. After he leaves they reamrk that ‘they thought that Henry Tudor was taller’.
Will Lady Poppet ever get to meet Robin Hood? Everyone knows he was the ‘goody,’ while King John and Alan Rickman were the ‘baddies!’ She could meet him in Nottingham castle (and certainly edge out Marion as she is a young KH!), or in good old Sherwood forest.Whatever!
He’s probably just as good looking as Thor, but, in his case, he will only need to strip off green tights, rather than Thor’s chain mail! That will get the ladies of HFOL ‘waxing’ lyrical, ouch!
Whaddya think??
Lady ‘Poppet?’ OOOOOps!!!
Lady Poppet, that’s a good one. Maybe Lady Moppet can go yet further undercover as Lady Poppet! I might use that, actually.
I hadn’t thought of involving Robin Hood. But who knows?!
“At court they love lampreys, which are an eel-like fish, but I stay away from them because they have been known to cause amoebic dysentery.” – Plus, they’re good at killing royalty. Or am I the only one thinking of Eustace of Boulogne and Henry I?
I hadn’t heard about Eustace of Boulogne. I knew Henry I ordered lampreys once too often. I think they did cause dysentery, but I’m unclear as to whether the dysentery killed Henry, or food poisoning, and also, whether the Young King and John, who both died of dysentery, got it from lampreys. I know John was said to have died from a surfeit of peaches, but I don’t think scoffing peaches would kill anyone.
According to some accounts, Eustace choked to death on Lamprey Pie, due to the curse of St Edmund after plundering the abbey lands (Brother Walter mus have had fun with that!). ,
Just want to say that I never, ever, let Oscar eat lampreys. Fortunately John thinks they’re wasted on one so young anyway.